Mary and me, Part 9

Foreign style

She is artistic in many ways. I think Mary has some French style. She has been living and studying in Paris earlier. I may have some German style. A need to have things in order maybe. I used to live in Germany and in Switzerland. She plays the flute, I play chess.

I admire Garri Kasparov, former chess world champion. He is involved in Russian politics. He has been arrested several times lately. Putinmania I would call the political order in Russian
right now. I do hope things will be ok internationally, internally and especially in my relationship to Mary.

Just today we were talking with Mary about our possible wedding. A modest wedding we both would hope. Her 40th birthday will be next year. Maybe that will be the time to do something about it, who knows? We both want to have some children some time, but one could be adopted as well. In God we trust. Sounds funny, because of the US politics. In money they seem to trust.

I think I could be happy with her anywhere in Europe. This year will be time in Helsinki. Next year, we shall see about it... We both have been moving quite many times in our lives, but I think we both feel like Helsinki is our hometown right now. Although we have some foreign styles, we definitely are Finnish.

Maybe I write this in English to get some distance to things which are so intimate. It would be more difficult to write in my own language.

Mary and me, Part 8

No place like home

Went to get some more cigarettes. I am at her place. She is asleep. We have been together seven days now.

It is ten thirty pm. I am drinking coffee and listening to music. And writing.

It is raining out there. Today while she was watching TV I went for a walk. Nice shops, where she lives. I do not know if I was window shopping or not. Maybe not. Did not buy any kind of a window.

Commercials. Stupid commercials. Luckily it was a short break. Roy Orbison is not singing for the lonely. Some lousy boy band is singing about love. A better one now: 'Penny on a track.' But not good enough. I put some classical on. Now it is better music.

Looking at a photo, which was taken on my birthday. Mary and me. Both smiling at my place. I do not feel any place is my home right now. Maybe in the future Mary and I will have a home together. That will take some time.

The other day she said she wants to become a mother. Her goddaughter, Anna, is in 9th grade. My godson is 14 years of age. Maybe they would make a good couple too. Just a thought. Eleven-o-seven.

Mary and me, Part 7

Independence

It was independence day yesterday. My independence is gone. I'm in love. I want to be by her side.

Yesterday Finland celebrated her 90th independence day. Some say Finland's independence is gone too. When there was a historical election for joining the European Union, I was working abroad. Sometimes it is better to give something to achieve more.

It is almost Christmas time. I am Mary's present and she is mine. I think we both want to give to each other to achieve more. I don't know about her independence, but I gave some of mine away when we became a couple. And I am happy for it.

I´ve made my choice and I feel good about it. A lot needs to be done in this relationship to make it last, but that's the way it is. Some things also need not to be done. I think I´m better in not doing rather than in doing.

Sometimes when you do, it's too much. Other times when you do less, it's not enough. I hope this relationship is a way to do things right. Neither too much, nor too little, but enough. I might be better in giving rather than in taking. I hope that is the way I am. Mary might have another point of view.

Mary and me, Part 6

Birthday

Now I am ready to tell you about my 36th birthday. At Windows Live Space I had a virtual birthday for some of my closest. My godson Walter and my best friend Aura were invited.

Half a year earlier I had made a plan that before the end of the year I would have a good relationship. In summer I had met Mary, but I wasn´t sure if she would take me.

By the end of November I had been in touch with her so much that I could invite her as the only guest at my place on my birthday. Earlier I had bought some roses. First yellow one, then white and finally a red one.

We were good friends, but we didn't know if it would be something more. On my birthday I prepared a meal for Mary. We had some spaghetti with creamy sauce of chicken. For dessert I baked lots of peach-vanilla-pastries, which were served with coffee.

While we were standing in my living room after the dessert, she said: 'I need some tenderness.' I asked if she would come to my sofa to sit with me. There we were sitting and holding each other´s hands, when I asked if she will be my partner. She said yes and made me the happiest man in the world.

And then we kissed...

With love,

Jim

Mary and me, Part 5

Sleepless in Helsinki

Walked some snowy streets of Helsinki at night when I couldn't get to sleep. I'll feel tired tomorrow. I hope my rhythm ain't gone too badly.

Radio gives me good company. Coffee and cigarettes satisfaction. I'm missing her. It is now twenty to five in the morning and it was yesterday about seven pm when I last saw her. That makes less than ten hours and I miss her so. I hope she is sleeping well. Nice dreams, my darling! And good morning whenever you wake up.

Checked my calendar, it was the 24th of October, when I got her phone number and she got mine.

Start to feel now so exhausted and shaky, I can't even write too well any more. Classy text this must be. Gonna make some more coffee. Out of sugar, but luckily some milk left.

Great music now: Led Zeppelin, the Mothership is here. Just a minute ago a cover of Jimi Hendrix's 'And the wind cries Mary'. Could not get any better. The music, I mean, not me, definitely not me.

Five o'clock. Put some classical music on and the coffee machine is talking on the background. 3 more hours and day will start. Hope I can make it a whole Thursday without sleep. On Friday I will sleep. And Saturday it´s party time. Without alcohol of course.

Mary and me, Part 4

Sleepy me

Have not told you yet about my 36th birthday, where she, Mary, was the only guest. The guest of honour so to speak. Well, it might be too intimate to tell. So you´ll have to wait. I´ll ask Mary first.

I hope I ain´t gonna hurt Mary in any way. Once, when we were supposed to go to Uspenski Cathedral, I didn´t go, nor did I answer her calls. She left some messages in my answering machine. I got back to her the next day. I was so ashamed.

I had been sleeping whole Saturday. My rhythm was gone for five days or more. She took my apology more than well. But still I think she was at least a bit hurt.

Sometimes my rhythm comes and goes. But I don´t mean to hurt anybody. Still I´ve done it several times in the past. When I was studying, when I was working. I think it is the way I am, sometimes.

I just counted the pages of my miniature silver-colored note book. 41 pages. Let´s see, that´ll make four stories for my blog. It has been good company for me on lots of lonely nights and days.

Lots of coffee drunk, some cigarettes smoked. I hope some of you, my readers, haven´t felt too bad about these stories. But still that´s just the way I am. Luckily it is a free blog. So there will be no refund.

Mary and me, Part 3

Winter time

It is winter, about two three degrees minus. Some snow on the ground. Drinking coffee at night and writing to you. Won´t tell about the birthday yet.

Thinking of you, Mary. I am sure you play the flute well. I think I would be fascinated by your play. You said you like Bach.

Haven't heard a note yet, although we've known each other for some time now. No hurry, no worry. I'm willing to wait ´till you are ready for it. Sometimes it is better to wait a while before the good will come. I´m sure it´ll be great.

About some music: I've been listening to Classic FM and Radio Helsinki about fifty-fifty lately. Now it is Helsinki time. They are playing fifties-sixties rock´n´roll. This song is played by Fatman Robinson Quintet: 'If you take my advice, don't drink. Don't drink.'

I've been without alcohol for about two years now. My engine is run by coffee. I think we could quit smoking together, if she agrees. But coffee, well, that's another story.

Mary and me, Part 2

2 pm

I am listening to Radio Helsinki. A man is singing: 'Don't walk away in silence.' She will be here at my place in about two hours, I hope. We´ve been seeing each other almost every day for some time now.

I've met her mother and she's met my father. Still I don't think we exactly know where we are going right now. Anyway I am more than happy that I have a good friend now. Who knows what the future will be like?

2 am

Nice day, yesterday. We watched a movie called Lost In Translation. Had some pastries with lots of coffee.

While lying on the bed, I wanted to hold her hand, hug her real tight and kiss her. But I didn´t make a pass yet.

Well next Saturday will be my 36th birthday and she will be the only guest. Who knows what will happen?

Yesterday I asked her permission to use these texts for my blog. I don't have an idea how readers will feel about it. Thanks to her we might find it out.

I really do hope these short stories will never end...

It is 3 am and I would like to be in touch with her. Maybe I'll just make some coffee and stay up the rest of the night.

Tomorrow will be another Helsinki Café day for me. I think I'll take these texts with me. Let´s see what happens. Today, I mean.

Mary and me, Part 1

Rendez-vous

I hope this is a short story, which will never end. It was one Tuesday morning at Helsinki Café, when Jim felt something new. Sometimes it is better not to try to explain one´s feelings afterwards, but I hope this ain´t one of those times.

Well, back to the story. Jim did not know what it was; was it the warmth of the moment, a ray of a bright light of morning sunshine or just an illusion in his head. Six months ago it would have been an angel in paradise. 18 months ago just a devil in disguise.

All the same there she was, Mary, sitting in the same room with him. To tell you the truth Jim still at this very moment does not know what his feelings for her were. Maybe that could be called one in a billion chance moment. Sorry, I apologize, that would not do her justice. But I am trying to tell you, what truly happened.

It was one of those moments, when you are kind of afraid you will break the illusion, which will probably not come true anyway. Will illusions come true sometimes? Hopes do, don't they - sometimes. Hey, hey... but this is no illusion: there she was alright. This is what
I am trying to explain to myself. I mean he was. And still is. Jim, I mean...

Excuse me, I needed a cigarette break. Oh well, it is six am. Another cup of coffee. See you next time.

Tonight at ten past twelve I went to the balcony for a cigarette. Out there I heard a nightingale sing. Another answered. It was beautiful. And I thought of you. Now I am writing this with shaking hands...